ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
