I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
