you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
