mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
