I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
