Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize