If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
