I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
