i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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