New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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