The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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