I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
