My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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