Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
