in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
