I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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