she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
