i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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