I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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