Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
