how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
