Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
