You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
