Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
