On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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