I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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