and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
