So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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