he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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