could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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