PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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