Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
