i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
