So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
