Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize