The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
