if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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