I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
