Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
