tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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