I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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