Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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