Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
