she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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