TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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