Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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