Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drake has all the answers
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
