I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
