Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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