you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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