Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
