im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
