today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
