So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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