A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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