yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
