Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
