Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
