I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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