If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
