HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
