I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
