Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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