Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
