and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
