I heard we made out
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
