im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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