Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
