I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
