why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
