So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Boobs speak an international language.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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