Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
