Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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