dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
